THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM AFTER HE ATTEMPTED SEPARATING MARRIED COUPLES HE SAW FIGHTING

Yesterday, I was eating my pounded yam and vegetable soup with kpomo and shaki, when I heard these married couples in my compound quarrelling. They were dishing out insults to each other. 

The woman called him a humaniser. She said he had a small penis, and also told him that he was a one minute man. The angry man told her that she had a smelling vagina that smells like a dead rat.

The next thing I heard was a resounding slap that made me drop the pounded yam in my hands.

That was how fight started.

The woman ran outside the compound shouting and screaming.

"Come and beat me. I say beat me. Useless man. Come. I say come out let us fight."

The sound of their iron door kept banging upon the wall. 

The floor was shaking and vibrating.

It sounded like two elephants fighting.

Hence there was no body in the compound, I decided to go and calm the couples down.

I quickly threw the last kpomo in my mouth and washed my hands. I stood up and ran outside the compound, still struggling to chew my kpomo.

Only for me to find this very buttocks loaded woman,  jumping like Mike Tyson upandown, and shaking all the materials on her body. The worse part of it all was the fact that she was wearing just a pant and brazier. 

She held a pestle in her hands, looking very determined to land it on the man's head if he takes one more step.

The muscular husband, who looked like an angry gorilla, stood at a distance. He was panting really hard and trying to control himself. But this woman will not just stop ranting.

"Useless man. You will beg me tonight. I think I have smelling vagina. I say you will beg me tonight. You will beg to enter this this you call smelling. That you small penis will stand up but e no go enter."

I was struggling to tear my sweet kpomo, when the man ran to hit her with his hands. 

That was when I ran to separate the real fight.

I stood in the centre like a referee, begging the man to calm down. I was holding the man back and pushing him into the house.

"Praises leave am. Leave him alone. Useless man. Praises I say leave him let him come and beat me. Leave him. Yeye idiot. Na Praises the hold you? As you big like this, na ordinary Praises the hold you? Even Praises get big penis pass you." She shouted.

In my heart I was Praying let the man not take those words personal. Which kind wahala come be this one again? This man will think she has seen my manhood before.

The man gave me a stern look. That kind of look that says, "Praises just leave me let me kill this woman. It is because you are holding me that's why she is insulting me." 

When I saw that look I started begging the man.

"Please sir just enter inside. It is women. That is how they are sir. Enter inside sir. Don't answer her. Just enter inside the house."

This woman did not stop o.

She drew her pant down and turned her big buttocks in my direction. 

Innocent person like me.

She started rubbing the buttocks on my back, trying to shift me to the side with the buttocks.

"Praises I say shift let him see the vagina he insulted. Shift. Useless man. You go beg me. You go beg me tonigh." She spanked her buttocks.

I heard the sound of thick flesh sound in my ears.

That was how I turned to face the man, I was looking at the man squarely in the eyes, before he says I looked at his wife buttocks.

I started regretting why I even came outside to separate fight. I would have ku ku ma continued eating my vegetable soup.

The woman wore back her pant and lifted the Pestle to hit the man. That was how pestle missed the man's head and landed on my head like a hammer. 

The kpomo I have been struggling to chew, flew out of my mouth and landed on the floor. I left the man and held my head to nurse my pain.

The angered man, used the opportunity to push me out of the way, and I missed my steps and landed with my waist on the compound staircase.

At that moment, I realised that this marriage fight has pass my power. I stood up and went into my room before they kill me.

That night, I ended up using Aboniki balm to massage my head that was swollen, and my waist that was now paining me.

This morning, I woke up to fetch water, when I saw the two couples eating Eba and draw soup outside the compound. They were even struggling on who will carry the biggest meat in the plate.

You see married couples eh, just leave them alone.

Even though I see any married person fighting next time, I will sit down and be watching them like television.

Because Last last, na for bedroom the matter go settle.